Testing testing testing

testing testing testing this is a test!

Sunshine, lollipops and raaaaaaiiinbows

After more than a year of working on this complicated beauty, I've finally got all the front piecing done! Exciting!

I'm going to quilt the thing by hand and I'm pretty excited to be starting all that stitching soon.

Yay!

Just need to find myself some batting and fabric for the edging and the back, and we'll be ready to rock.

Now I'm off to explore the Knitter's Emporium Tent sale! Boxes and boxes of cheap beautiful yarn. What could be more lovely.

2:38

2:38 am blog posts.


there is no summing up the craziness of today... no keeping track of the thoughts that flipped back in forth today in the brain-hole.

but i'm here to record 2 am taxi talks:
where i am told the best way to live is without dreams.
not to set your happiness far away but to live each day, as they come.
day by day, enjoying the many things that spill out of them.
that is happiness.

where i am told not to strive for dreams.
and he asks me about destiny and control:
at each step along the road can come good or bad.
out of failure, good can grow:
out of hope's dust,  new chances.

watched over by someone, maybe.
someone who knows.

better.

he says, i am bright guy and
i used to be very proud.
people would tell me often how bright I was,
but now i look higher.

here are a few pieces of advice for you:
never borrow money.
live in your means.
don't stop thinking.
instead, write.

people can benefit from your thoughts, he says.
how old are you?
and you should meet my wife.
she says the same things you do.

----




I've been thinking too much lately thoughts have been clogging my mind. I feel like I'm at a crossroads of sorts but too scared to make the first step onto a new path. I'm crippled by ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, making foolish choices. I'm trying to figure out how you can know yourself and know your thoughts, know who you are and what you want.

2 am cab rides though,  man.
2 am cab rides do wonders to clear the head. Best twenty dollars I've ever spent of someone else's money.
(and if you read this, thank you too, you.)

Welcome, welcome.

Newest addition to my small being.

Address your greetings to Mr. Loon.

Done by the lovely Kayla Grant!

And she's been living on the highest shelf...

So, this about sums me up at the moment. 

Knitting coming out of my nose holes, and my eye holes and my ear holes.

But I'm not complaining in the least: truthfully knitting is all I feel like doing. 

School's been over for almost a month and I'm still lost somewhere on the very beginning of the road to recovery.

My brain shuts down when even the firstlings of thought unconnected to knitting (or BBC Charles Dickens television productions) floats its way.

People keep telling me this is okay. Haha, I wonder how long it will continue to be acceptable for.

I had planned on going away for an art adventure escape: to sign up for painting and printmaking classes. I had planned on doing lots of drawings, designing repeats, working in photo shop... 

But I haven't. 

I tell myself I'm still recovering from a long long long long long long year of school. I think I could go on recovering for the next three years.  I'm not looking forward to school in the fall. Part of me wishes I wasn't going back and that part of me that wishes that is a pretty large part of me.

I feel like I'm living in a dream world of knitting, BBC, and coffee. It's a nice dream, but I have this haunting feeling it can't be all that good for one's being. 

A kind someone told me recently that I'm too hard on myself.  I think I believe it.  I do believe it. It's hard to figure out how to stop doing it though.

I've been feeling like a little bit of a disaster: unsure of what I want and unsure of which steps to take.
Scared of making wrong choices.

How do you know when to follow your heart?

So I just knit and watch BBC and drink so much coffee that I get a little twitchy.
 And I go to work.
Work isn't really a comfort but I look forward to it. Sometimes it makes things difficult: But it's a fun job, with fun fun people and we have fun.


That's all for now.

With the sky blue sky...

It's a little less gray today than it was yesterday.
I'm working on some collages today  for surface design class. We've been doing so much cutting and pasting lately I forget how much I love it.

Sir Pitt's Adventures

The Invisible Candlesticks

Some of them make me chuckle.

It's been a good work day today. I've lost my to-do-list. Once I find it I'll realize how behind I still am...but it's nice to feel good about everything, even if for only a little while.

:)

Seeee you.

Hellllo!

I'm working up the nerve to venture out into the bleak and bleary cold outside world.
I need fusible interfacing, bow-tie sliders, and a large spool of white cotton thread before I can move any further forward on the long list of today-to-do-things.

But it's so gray outside today and I don't feel like doing anything but drink hot sweet tea and be glad I'm not at school.

Let's start by admitting that all my New Year's resolutions have flopped. I've neglected blogging, gave up on my bible-in-a-year quest, haven't read any books, still wear leggings eight out of seven days a week, don't eat breakfast often enough and drink way too much coffee.

Not reading books confuses my heart the most, I think. I love reading and the concept that I have only read one very short book since this school year began, hurts my heart immensely.
Something is terribly wrong with this year.
Things have been busy: mind-meltingly, soul numbingly so.
School is growing increasingly intense and uninteresting and I have to focus my thoughts often to dreams of my and Trevor's wood and water surrounded cabin of craft that floats somewhere in the future.

There have been a few new things happening-- work placements and applications for summer opportunities: things that are anxiety surrounded but not bad.

I recently started my work placement with Stephanie Fortin of Coeur De Lion Textiles:

This is part of her face and part of her fabric. She is lovely and fun and kind and does beautiful work. You should check her out: http://www.coeurdeliontextiles.com/


 Trevor's gone off on an adventure to Milwaukee to commune with fellow clay lovers. It's a week long clay conference: complete with demos and dance parties. What fun!

And, it's long past time I get back to work.
Wish me luck, and
I'll seeeee you all again, sometime soon.

for your soul is still a mountain

One post in 2013.

Ouch.


Worst of all: that one post of 2013 was a post about how I was neglecting all of you in blog-land.

I'm not even sure if that should count as a post. It should probably be named as a false hope, or playing with your emotions. Perhaps even leading you on.

Shoot, my apologies. Really, I swear my intentions were good ones.

But now my darlings:
 I'm back! 

Let's hope for good?
Let's make this a part of my new years resolutions. 

I'll put 'become less scared of the internet' next to 'showering more' and 'getting dressed everyday'.
I've been in the habit of wearing the same large fluffy sweater everyday for the last few weeks. I don't really see anything wrong with it: there is no point in changing your outfit when you've achieved perfection. This sweater is the sweater that all sweaters should aim to be: warm, fluffy, woolen, stripped, large, long, Christmas colored, not too tight at the neck and perfect. So perfect.

Don't get me wrong, I still shower. I stay cleanly. I change my underwear daily, occasionally change the leggings that are Perfect Sweater's soul mate and change my socks. Perfect sweater isn't crusty or hiding snacks for later.  It's still perfect.

We sleep together and we cuddle. Don't be jealous of our love. Perfect Sweater and I met at Salvation Army's half price off men's clothing sale: the place where all heaven-born matches are --at long last-- united.
There is hope for all of you. Don't neglect scouring those crowded racks. Don't become desperate, every one's own perfect sweater is out there. It's waiting for you.

I speak truths.

Some people, were a little less certain of my relationship with Perfect Sweater.  My cute human boyfriend for one. He's a little too cute to be made horribly uncomfortable, so me and  Perfect sweater have decided to take a short break. Perfect Sweater is going to the spa, while Snowflake sweater and I (oh, and cute human boyfriend, of course) rekindle our love.

Gotta be flexible. Only way to survive this life.

Much love to you all!
I'll be back.

Cute human boyfriend looking quite dapper in a forest. 

neglected

I've neglected you.

Sorry, dear webpage.

Luckily neglection means:

fresh starts.

Obviously.
Right?

and in the dark, we will take off our clothes

I've let almost a whole month go by again without a single word.

To tell you the truth, I did write a whole post a few Sundays ago, and then didn't publish it.
I'm not really sure why.

I'll just sum up all the little things that have been happening lately, and maybe touch on some life goals and dreams.

I skipped Communications class yesterday, and went home for the weekend. I say 'the weekend' but really my weekends are much much longer than my week-whole. This week I was at school for a grand total of two days?  Tuesday and Wednesday, and the exhaustion that set in by Wednesday night was pretty darn sad. I'm just waiting for the schedule gods to curse me with a five day week next term.

I promised myself that when I arrived home I would start and complete my Communications Oral Report a.k.a DEATH. But, when I got home around noon, the sunlight was spilling across my bed, and in no time, the little dog was curled up asleep in my lap, and my knitting was in my hands....and ZAP, a good two hours disappeared.

And then, obviously, I had to make cinnamon buns and bread. Obviously. And that, alternating with knitting and family dining, took me to about 9:30. Then I headed down to bed, and fell asleep with the light on, mid-text to Trevor. 

And I awoke upon today.
A day in which, I once again completed no homework, but did accomplish a countless amount of other unnecessary things. Showering, breakfast eating, kitchen cleaning, knitting, napping (in a sunlit bed, with a sleeping dog) grocery shopping, chauffeuring, soup making, supper making, and now blog posting?

Good use of a day.

And, I've still got a good three days of procrastinating to come.

So, today is Sunday, Sunday evening.

I should be at youth group right now. 

I was planning on going, but I got...a little bit lost in knitting...and 7:20 rolled past me. 

I feel like I should have lots of pictures for you. It was a week full of picture possibilities. Thrifting, Dan Mangan's beard,  lots of rain and fog.

This is my knitting. Good old scanner pictures.

I feel like there is a lot I could say to you. I'm not sure where to start, or if it's worth starting.
I'm just going to make up a list of words that are this week.
Maybe something will come out of that.

Words for the week of October  21st 2012

The Reuse Center.
Fog
Salvation Army
Value Village
Indigo
Coffee
Long traffic-filled Toronto drives
Dan Mangan
Dan Mangan's beard
Dan Mangan's man band
Dan Mangan's voice, his beautiful beautiful voice
Lisa.
Books about Stitches
Poems
Hamilton history
IKEA
Rain, rain, rain.
Dexter.
Bow ties, more coffee, crunchy pasta, even more coffee, The Master, Planet Earth and Trevor.
Trevor.

I put off all my homework for tomorrow. Smart right? Tomorrow I wake up bright and early and write an annotated bibliography, draw some paraline drawings on the good old bond paper, interpret sounds into colors and patterns, finish off my photo transfers, and pack my clothes for the week.

oh admiration, in falling asleep

It seems like it’s been a while since I’ve really written something. I can’t even remember how to phrase…and explain and expand on the things of my heart. I’ll have to start practicing again.
Soooo, i’m going to just throw it out there…
i miss essay writing
(Feel free to laugh hysterically)
I miss being forced to write. My minds running a bit slow. I think I’ll change reading week to…writing week, and start trying to phrase things rightly again, and maybe convince myself to start on my research paper…
(Feel free to laugh hysterically)
Try to clear my mind.
I’m sitting here listening to Sufjan, feeling pretty darn okay. I think it’s something about Sufjan, that makes it hard not to feel pretty darn okay. I spent the day in Toronto with Caroline and Trevor. We explored the art gallery, wandered and got a (little) bit lost. Caroline and I had deep life-exploring-train-ride-talks, about all the best things: love, youth, letting go, time and beautiful beautiful living.
I also taught her to knit. That was on the way there before our brains explode because of art gallery overload but she’s a stellar learner. Mastered casting on and knitting in a short hour.
Anyways. I’ve been keeping busy this week. Trying to. Seems like the best thing to do when the world seems to be spinning insanely. I’m trying to ignore due-dates and homework.  I feel like if I’m creative enough, such things will resolve themselves on their own…right?
It is only Tuesday.
My aunt asked me to throw something together for the John Calvin Bazaar, so I decided to re-face photo transferring. That includes dragging my lazy self out to Staples to make photo-copies and to Curry’s for canvases. It also involves cracking open my gel medium. Oh Gel Medium, dear, dear love of mine.

I tried one transfer on wood rather than canvas, and it’s looking stellar so far. Just need to sand it down a bit, and finish it off. I’m gonna try some more like this sometime soon.
here are some of the classic canvas ones:
I also un-buried my sewing machine this week. I’m supposed to be altering my Oma’s pants for her…but you know…bow-ties are just a little bit more interesting? (I’ll get your pants done, Oma… soon I promise)

I think I’m going to make these for the rest of my life. So easy, and so fun.
They took me about 25 minutes to make...and then a good three hours to learn how to tie. I understood suddenly why clip-on bow ties exist.

And lastly, because I’ve been neglecting my bangs, and they need to be tamed somehow… and I found these beautiful rayon ends… (yes, Lisa, rayon…like our pants and like…other things ) in the bargain bins at Fabricland, I made a headband, courtesy of Cotton and Curls. 

That’s it for now! Tomorrow morning I plan to stay inside in bed with tea and my current Thomas Hardy and curl up…sort of what I felt like doing today. Maybe make some chocolate chip cookies, and then tackle the ravaging of all Burlington thrift stores with Theo and Lis.
Should be good!
Sleep well my dearies.

when my turn came…

It’s reading week this week, and reading week means you take your first ride in an airplane.
right? that makes pretty clear obvious sense.
My father met Peter at a bed and breakfast. He happens to be a pilot.
& he took my brother, my father and me flying in this tiny little plane.
It was really, quite…wonderful.

so far

 

so far

this fall has been, lemon cake, apple pie and Locke street market sunflowers.

it’s been escarpment edge hikes, felt and embroidery, sweaters, and knit hats and new friends.

and it’s been good, pretty darn good.

can you expect less of fall? Fall is a love of mine.

(lemon cake beautiful disaster zone)

(apple pie, sunflowers and coffee)

(family fall hikes)

These are my school projects so far:

For my first project I made a scarf. It’s wet felted from fleece, with soft inlays. You wet felt by laying out thin layers of felt, and then wetting it through with a soap and water mixture. Then you rub and rub and rub and rub until it hooks together as a unified fabric. The project theme was home and we were supposed to be experimenting with motifs. I cut the motifs of my families faces out of pre-felt ( a very soft hardly felted sorta felt) and felted them into my scarf base. And voila, aha!

Our second project was mixing color and line with felt. Last Wednesday we had an embroidery workshop. Which excites me, terribly. Embroidery is dreamy, and fantastic. Friend Caroline put up fantastically with my love gushing towards my sample all class.

So project two, color and line, turned into… mittens!

I’m awfully proud of these babies.
Horribly. They just behaved so well.

I just have one last picture: (picture overload! sorry! and I have so many more I still want you to see, from camping, the summer, ottawa, sault ste. marie, and so on and on and on) BUT! I headed out to art-crawl last friday night with friends Trevor and Caroline. In Caroline’s mind there is no passing these things up:

Dear me.

(this, she set aside)

hi,

I think I'm back:
with a 
new blog layout,  & a new school year.

I still tweaking around with the colors and fonts in this layout. I'm not sure if it is clear or legible enough yet. I'll probably continue to fool around with it for the months to come.

:)
but yes.
hi.
it feels good to be back.

I want to catch you up in pictures,  but we recently got  a new computer and I don't know if any of my stuff has been transfered over yet. I'll harass Brother Jacob when he comes home from school.

I started school again this fall. It's lovely so far.
Sheridan folks are ridiculously friendly or maybe, I've become a bit braver. 
It's a Crafts and Design program, so I get to do a lot of fooling around with my hands, scribbling and drawing. We've been working with wet-felting fleece to make (tadaa!) felt, paper and next week we start embroidery which I am hugely excited for. I'll insert images for you, when I get my camera up and running again.
I'm living in Burlington during the week with my grandparents & my lovely, lovely Lisa drives me into school with her when she can, and other days I ride the rails. (Remind me to get her some gas money soon!). Right now, I only have school Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, which makes for wonderful four day weekends.

Things have been pretty normal and really nice.
I still bake like an insane person when I can on weekends.
I thrift too much.
I love shoes.
I love my bed.
I love books, paper, pens.
I fell in love with candles.
I started watching LOST.
& My family got a dog. Her name is Cleo, and she is snuggle-y and pretty cute, I guess. Quite a little yapper though.

Anyways, that is all for now. It's Sister Anna's birthday today, & I've got to run out to the store and pick up her requested dinner of chicken burgers. Nice choice, little one.

I will return, sooner than before.

And tonight will be the night

It's been almost a month?
More than a month.
And I have no idea what happened in that month.

Oh, if I thought intensely I could probably come up with something.
But I'll just start off with more recent news.

I'm a cripple.
 A pretty much healed cripple, but I am one. My knee still throbs, occasionally.

I played soccer (which is almost always a bad option). I got kicked in the foot. My leg turned stiff. I stopped playing soccer. I sat at the side of the field and stared at my foot. The game ended. I went to Chapters. I hobbled through Chapters. Then I went to the Sound of Music festival. I hobbled around in search of my companions. I listened to the Arkells (Well worth a little hobbling). I hobbled back to the car. I drove home. I went to bed. I woke up, and still hobbled. I decided to go to work. I picked up Jasmine, and drove to work. At work, I hobbled. I got called a gimp. I worked. My knee swelled up. I left work, and went to the Urgent Care Centre. They asked my how much it hurt on a scale of one to ten, I said four. They took my blood pressure, and didn't get a reading. They were pretty sure I was alive, so they tried it again. I got a bracelet with my name on it. I sat on a bed, across from a guy named Trevor with tattoos and a broken finger. The doctor came diagnosed me as a loosened ligament. He wrapped my leg with a plaster splint, and bandage. He told me not to put any weight on it for a few days, and gave me crutches.

I texted Ruth, and she said she had no work for a cripple and told me to go home.

I ditched the crutches after a day and a half. They are so dang uncomfortable.

I am very glad I am not permanently crippled.

I believe my relationship with soccer ends here.

Because of this, I stayed home from work today and I decided to start fulfilling the long put off painting of my room.
 I took all the pictures down off my walls, and uncovered many long lost sharpie scrawls. The amount of old songs going through my head was ridiculous. I jumped from Secondhand Serenade, Coldplay, Jack Johnson, Rob Thomas and Counting Crows, as I slowly scrubbed their lyrics off my walls.

Goodness, that is a lot of work, Sharpie scrubbing.
I'll think twice before I scribble again.

I also removed a lot of memories? Some memories I had actually forgotten about. I stumbled across a marking of my height, from the 26th of May 2009, with a note beside it that said. "When you are taller...". (...Keegan? I think there was some sort of promise, an expectation to look forward to, for when I grew. I can't remember what it was in the least, and fortunately, I have not grown a single millimeter since that day and so have not earned any such compensation)

My walls are so bare now. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's making me sorta sentimental.
It was...very much time though.
Very much so.

i remember.

Dear Adam Kalte
This one's for you.

You're pretty cool.

to sing thy grace

The sky is cloudbursting.

I'm inside eating lemon glaze icing out of a bowl, with a spoon.
but my hands are sticky.

The window's open and the rain is just slowly dripping outside.
I like rain.
I like it a lot.

I also like lemon icing.
Maybe not quite as much as rain.
It's pretty good second though.
 For this moment, at the very least

I'm eating lemon icing, because otherwise it will go to waste.
I drizzled it over some lemon poppy seed muffins, but there is still some left.
And it's sad when good things go to waste.
Even sadder when you put them into the back of the fridge and forget about them. Finding them a few months later, slightly frozen, slightly green, and so utterly forgotten in a Ziploc container.
 So I am going to prevent that from happening, and put it to good purpose.
It will accompany me, in my melancholy mood with the rainstorm.

It's good company.
Thanks for being my friend, lemon icing.

It's already Thursday. Has this week gone by fast for you too?
---

Dear Jasmine,
My lemon poppy seed muffins rose properly. They are slightly yellow in color, and scattered with poppy seeds. I also drizzled lemon icing over top of them. A little decadent? Perhaps. But we've already seen the positives of lemon icing, so we won't question that further.
As you know, I made the lemon poppy seed muffins for you. I was also going to make lemon squares, but we ran out of sugar. So, I hope you can come over tomorrow. I am going to convince you that Johnny Cash is beautiful. Yessirreee, ma'am. Please bring whatever other food you feel like eating. Maybe we can make caramel popcorn.
Let's eat chocolate.
I hope you have a nice day at home tomorrow. Good luck planting your marigolds, and writing your chemistry test.

Text me?
I won't reply, but I'll call you if I have a strong opinion on something

Lots of love.


p.s. just to tempt you:












----

i'll wait, on the emerald isle, for you to come and rescue me.

quarters for the phone

 today ethan came over.
we made:
chocolate-chocolate-garlic-skor-sprinkle rice krispy squares.

that's right folks,
remember to wash out your baking pans well.

 

  

 

But I went looking round and all I found,

I am getting ridiculously sick of working. Ridiculously.

I bet many of you could see this coming. During the weeks and month I gushed about the livelihood of working, and how wonderful it was, most of you reasonable humans were thinking: "Just wait, such an unfounded joy can only last so long."

and that joy has since long past it's prime.
That joy is gone.
 It is gone, going, gone, everything, gone, give a damn, as Jack Johnson would say.

I am so over working.

Yesssirrr. Over it, I say.

My mind has been dulled, my hands have been broken, my wrists have been bruised. My finger has a knot of calcium built up under the skin. I am sick of being itchy and I'm sick of dirt boogers (who thought the day would ever come!).

Good thing there are only (...May, June, July, August...) 
four months left.

Goodness.
I shouldn't think like that.

 I thought today, as I once again smashed my arm between two carts and watched it rapidly swell, how much i must be shortening the life span of my fingers.

Dear fingers,
 who long to do so much more with their life.
Poor fingers,
who long to sew and draw and bake and knit and turn pages and make paper and write and knead bread and touch so many things. Fingers meant to wash dishes and braid hair and be ink covered and held and painted.
Oh fingers, i hope you live long lives, in which you become even more wrinkled and bulging with veins.

It's time you got yourselves outta that dirt.

---

While thinking about paper: (were we thinking about paper? I dunno,  I was)
I cautiously allowed my self, for the first time ever, to lay pen to my homemade paper.
I'd never felt a desire to do that before.
But, when I was out for coffee with a fine fellow a few months back, and I mentioned my paper making past-times, he expressed indignation at that fact:

"To make your own paper, and never draw on it. It is unheard of! It is preposterous! If I made my own  paper I could scarce keep my hands off it. I would draw all over it immediately!"

(It's been a  few months, he might not have phrased it exactly like that.)

My paper has always been a sort of work in itself.  It didn't need any further resolution. But that said: boy, does it ever absorb ink nicely.
And boy, the rough texture looks so lovely with the ink.
And boy, the color stands out so nicely.
I could run my pen over that paper forever.

And I proceeded to doodle on a piece.




(yes, only a doodle. but a doodle is all that is necessary in my heart)

----
Was this here one who makes me tea and brings the crossword