i reminisced today.
i took a bus.
i ran-jogged to the end of the street, ran-sprinted across it, flashed my official mcmaster student ID card (without the smallest flinching of guilt) and stepped onto the 35 college bus.
and, what do you know, i miss it.
i like the official feel of taking the bus, there is something of a purpose to it.
truthfully, it makes me feel a little more grown up. like i have places to go, and things i must be doing.
things of importantance and independence,
today i took the bus to the library.
and as i plunked myself down in between the bookshelves on the third floor non-fiction section, pulling book after book of designs, patterns, motifs, and william morris of the shelf, i was suddenly most glad that i am going to be going to school for textiles.
it was nice to feel excited again. i had begun to feel a little uncertain, and uncertainty has a horrible little way sucking up all good things in life.
uncertainty, tonight however, was easily tackled by library balconies, night bus rides, light rain & streetlights, the book of blue flowers, a cute boy, homeward directed walk, make-shift chai tea lattes, and late night t.v.
i most thoroughly enjoy crushing uncertainty, even if only for the smallest of moments.
it deserves it absolutely.
...and then get found
28.3.12
25.3.12
i needed, just a little more time
it's time to make some first attempts back at catching up with reality. maybe not so much catching up with reality, but slowing down. it's no use rushing through things.
i also have a confession to make, i have reactivated my facebook. i am not feeling like deactivating it at the moment. it's not overwhelming me at this specific time of lively-hood.
i feel like i have a few months of song lyrics posted as statuses (statii?)
to get out of my system.
anyways, here is a flash of florida in pictures. sirius got quite a bit of action,
mostly stalking rachelle,
i practiced manually focusing, and adjusting, figured out how to turn on black and white mode,
and sepia, capturing beautiful light and sunspots.
goodness, i love sunspots.
my favorite pictures of the week, however are the one's taken out of the car window.
sun, blurs, color, trees
all moving so fast.
sunrise, about hour 18 on the road
hello sun,
you are a lovely one
arrival at regal palms resort and spa, the first attempts at our palm leaf collection.
those things are firmly attached to trees.
the strangely symmetrical forest. shocking
hello, petite fleur.
LEWIS! who ever woulda thought he'd follow us here.
palm trees and sunspots
good books and warm legs
ponds, sun rays and tiny purple flowers
rachelle, sunspots, sunsets and lovely lovely light.
lake louisa state park, our beach substitute.
the water was tea colored, because of long passage through marshes.
we swam anyways
little pine cones, focus, large aperture
un autre, petite fleur
funky oak trees
blueeee jays.
it was so uncomfortable, and so hot we burnt our legs on the seats.
we enjoyed ourself thoroughly.
the last morning
chalk, the medium through which we befriended a variety of college baseball players.
our favorite being pat & al, the boys from new jersey.
pat promised to tour us around boston.
i hope these work.
i believe i am going to head off to catch the last hour of SNL,
a most worthy waste of time.
i promise i'll be back sooner,
probably, then last time.
...to let you know i was sorry
those things are firmly attached to trees.
the strangely symmetrical forest. shocking
hello, petite fleur.
LEWIS! who ever woulda thought he'd follow us here.
palm trees and sunspots
good books and warm legs
ponds, sun rays and tiny purple flowers
rachelle, sunspots, sunsets and lovely lovely light.
lake louisa state park, our beach substitute.
the water was tea colored, because of long passage through marshes.
we swam anyways
little pine cones, focus, large aperture
un autre, petite fleur
funky oak trees
blueeee jays.
it was so uncomfortable, and so hot we burnt our legs on the seats.
we enjoyed ourself thoroughly.
the last morning
chalk, the medium through which we befriended a variety of college baseball players.
our favorite being pat & al, the boys from new jersey.
pat promised to tour us around boston.
i hope these work.
i believe i am going to head off to catch the last hour of SNL,
a most worthy waste of time.
i promise i'll be back sooner,
probably, then last time.
...to let you know i was sorry
24.3.12
one step forward and
i haven't been posting lately because i feel like i've fallen behind.
that's the funny thing about failing to do something,
instead of getting the intensely tugging feeling that there is so much to do or say;
(because there is so, much one can say)
you settle for just failing some more.
i have good intentions, i believe, most of the time.
but lately as i've been sitting down preparing to write you a chock-full, well deserved account of life as it's been, i get distracted by others.
others, whose writing, and thoughts and entirely beautiful, beings seem to have so much fullness.
and my life seems...
dull.
not dull, but almost as if i am rushing over the tops of waves, with my toes not even touching, not even being whetted by the slightest splashing, of what is beneath me, in front of me, all around me, running on and on and on underneath me.
and it's that water that's important.
but you can't add meaning to something, by wishing for the meaningful. and i doubt those others, with their beautiful thoughts and lives, see their lives as beautiful.
i read their lives as stories.
i miss learning,
i miss school,
i miss being interested in things,
i miss feeling intrigued
i miss struggling to finish papers.
(well, i miss the feeling of finishing after a struggle)
i'm feeling tired of now,
i guess you can't really miss the future.
i guess the future is never really missing.
MIA
but i feel like the now, is out of place.
that's the funny thing about failing to do something,
instead of getting the intensely tugging feeling that there is so much to do or say;
(because there is so, much one can say)
you settle for just failing some more.
i have good intentions, i believe, most of the time.
but lately as i've been sitting down preparing to write you a chock-full, well deserved account of life as it's been, i get distracted by others.
others, whose writing, and thoughts and entirely beautiful, beings seem to have so much fullness.
and my life seems...
dull.
not dull, but almost as if i am rushing over the tops of waves, with my toes not even touching, not even being whetted by the slightest splashing, of what is beneath me, in front of me, all around me, running on and on and on underneath me.
and it's that water that's important.
but you can't add meaning to something, by wishing for the meaningful. and i doubt those others, with their beautiful thoughts and lives, see their lives as beautiful.
i read their lives as stories.
i miss learning,
i miss school,
i miss being interested in things,
i miss feeling intrigued
i miss struggling to finish papers.
(well, i miss the feeling of finishing after a struggle)
i'm feeling tired of now,
i guess you can't really miss the future.
i guess the future is never really missing.
MIA
but i feel like the now, is out of place.
23.3.12
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